When it comes on online dating, I’m rooting for the dudes. I would prefer to see them do well than do poorly… and yet so many stick their feet in their mouths with their first message to a promising target.
I would not have thought this to be the case- one of the benefits of online dating is that guys have the time, anonymity, and resources to be suave… or at least to test out various tactics to discover (and use) only the most effective ones. But after making my own happy little profile on Yuusk and watching the messages slide in, I have to say… I’m somewhat dismayed.
Guys, you deserve some action. Really, you do. So let’s go over what NOT to say when reaching out to all those lovely ladies. I’ll provide real examples, of course (with proper protections of anonymity applied). Even if you know better than to make these mistakes, you might find them funny.
…. but first, full disclosure time! I am not here to offer relationship advice. I do not date, nor did I join Yuusk looking to date.
I make it very clear on my Yuusk profile that I’m only on the site to check out the UI, which is fantastic, by the by. So folks who message me may not be the brightest Yuusk bouncing about…. but I still reckon these are common mistakes.
Lame comments about images / appearance
Men, I think, have been conditioned to believe that they can never go wrong when complimenting a woman. This is not always the case, but I’ll go out on a limb and say that offline, such compliments in the pursuit of boy-girl relations are a safe way to go.
Online, things are different. It’s pretty much a given that nobody is going to contact you unless they’re cool with the image(s) you uploaded. So compliments on images are pretty much pointless. They might also come across as a bit creepy. But maybe that’s just me.
“Hi there. I like ur pics, it looks like u have a lot of fun”
As most photos people upload are of people looking like they have a lot of fun, this could easily be a generic message (more on those in a bit, but in short, generic messages are not the way to go).
“Hi, You look great! How’s it going?”
Another very generic message. If you’d like to compliment another user on her appearance, I recommend explaining why. Before it was flagged and moderated, for example, my Yuusk profile image had me in a full body goose suit. Perhaps this bachelor could have explained why I looked great in my giant goose costume.
I understand that it takes time and effort to send lots of messages to lots of people on Yuusk, which would be my approach if I were looking for action. It helps to cast a wide net, right?
That said, sending form messages is not the way to go. We live in an age of spam and unwanted form emails. We can spot them a mile away.
Here’s an example:
“I’m *****. 25, 6’5″, brown hair, green eyes, fit. live in the ******** in sf. I’m vegan, like to meditate, go to a lot of shows, read a lot. I like surrealist art, I make films, currently editing my psychedelic ********** feature. Can you touch your nose with your tongue? You’re cute and seem cool. We should chill. What’s your week usually like? Can I txt you?”
“******” here is a catch, to be sure, but his message could be sent out to anyone and still work, hence the inner “FORM MESSAGE” warning in any internet savvy gal is going to go off when she reads this. Another mistake here: describing stuff that is already in his profile.
A better approach? Find something in each user’s profile that you could comment about, and make the first message about that. “I see you’re a vegan, too. What made you decide to give up meat?” is a really easy one Shane here could use, for example. Or “I see you loved [insert book/movie/band/show here]. Have you seen/read/listened to/watched [insert similar book/movie/band/show]?”
Ok, so maybe guys on online dating sites have had issues in the past with girls who are not girls saying they’re girls. And I can see how that would be somewhat traumatic. And how easy it would be to mislead people. So sure, some guys on Yuusk are a bit shell shocked, which may explain some of my more favorite messages received:
“Hi are we a T girl?” and “OOOOOOO your a guy sorry man I didn’t read into that too well my bad”
In all fairness, I may have said something on my profile to the extent of “So far as you should be concerned, I’m a dude.” Just maybe. But for the sake of thoroughness, I would like to recommend that Yuusk users not broach this subject until later in conversations. Not just because it prevents them from initially coming across as paranoid/hilarious, but also because, in all fairness, most transexual women look WAY better than, I would argue, most of the ladies out there. Myself, definitely, included.